I want to share with you some thoughts on the movie “Blink Twice," by Zoe Kravitz (2024).I watched this movie recently (twice, even!) and am struck by several elements that I think visually depict certain aspects of trauma that I have difficulty explaining in words. I wanted to share these illustrators with you in the hopes that you might gain a deeper understanding of how trauma and elements of abuse can affect a person. It is very difficult to comprehend if you have not experienced it first-hand, or at least been very close to someone who has. If you haven’t seen the movie, I definitely recommend it. It is a psychological thriller (my favorite genre) with a few layers to sift through. Be careful though, because it is potentially triggering (I had to look away a few times). Definitely worth the watch, and if you are interested in understanding trauma on a deeper level, watch it twice—once just for enjoyment, and twice to consider the metaphors, the hidden meanings, and the concepts it so vividly portrays.
There is a line in the movie that reflects the title, “Blink twice if I’m in danger.” The reference is two-fold: one, it refers to a signal for a warning if the situation is not what it appears to be, and two, it alludes to things not being clear at first glance—blink twice and get a second look at what’s before you. This movie is full of things not being what they seem, and in many abusive situations it is exactly the same. It is like you live in two worlds simultaneously—one is the fantasy that it’s the perfect family, the perfect marriage, etc, and the other is the brutal harsh reality when the abuse is at the forefront. The life, and oftentimes the abuser, is very much like a Jekyll and Hyde, with two completely different sides or realities. Victims can learn, or be conditioned, to act differently and even have different memories in those two different realities. They may have a different personality that corresponds to Jekyll than the one that responds to Hyde. It is a survival skill. It is extremely difficult to survive those kinds of situations, particularly if they happen in childhood, physically and mentally intact unless you fragment or dissociate to tolerate the abuse. Many of you may be familiar on some level with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Malignant Narcissists very much create this kind of life—two different realities and perpetual uncertainty. Keep in mind that all abusers are narcissistic to some degree. All psychopaths and sociopaths are narcissistic, as well. The ability to maintain a “normal” life while being a serial murderer requires this Jekyll and Hyde dynamic. Not all narcissists are abusive to this level, nor are all narcissists psychopaths or sociopaths. I would consider Slater a Narcissistic Psychopath. I’d love to hear your feedback if you have a different opinion after viewing the movie 😊.
The first element of abuse I want to highlight that I feel was shown very accurately in the movie is that of a trauma bond. On the second watch this was even more stunning. Freda absolutely is trauma-bonded to Slater, which is shown in her obsession with him, following him on social media, purposely trying to be seen by him at the Gala, being drawn to him magnetically and fairly unconsciously there, and seeming to be infatuated with him AFTER she had already been severely abused and traumatized by him multiple times. This is fascinating but all too true. A victim of severe abuse can absolutely love, be in love with, and choose to go back to their abuser over and over. They can also completely block the memories of the abuse and idolize their abuser, romanticize the “happy moments” while simultaneously erasing the bad ones. They can become protective and feel a strong need to “save” the abuser, and absolutely will lie under oath, on a court stand, and say there was no abuse knowing full well there was. It’s also true that they may have no memory of the abuse and may feel they are being completely truthful when they testify that there was none. This can make it incredibly difficult to ever get justice or force an abuser to take responsibility for their actions, and oftentimes even to protect the victim. Our system, unfortunately, will not act on abuse unless there is absolute “proof,” which sometimes doesn’t come until the victim is dead. In the movie, even after Freda has full conscious memory of the abuse, she has rose-colored glasses on, to a degree, and wants to empathize with Slater for what he has done. She may justify or excuse his behavior. Abusers are experts at eliciting this response and will exploit it fully.
Dissociation is another piece I would like to discuss. Dissociation will happen in the face of a severe trauma. It is a natural mechanism of our brains to allow us to tolerate the intolerable and survive what is sometimes unsurvivable. Dissociation can (doesn’t always) store memories away in our brain and make them inaccessible to our consciousness. These are held in our unconscious mind and can sometimes be retrieved, or even triggered, later. Slater says in the movie, “The worse it is is the less they remember,” which is unfortunately often true. We “forget” or repress/block, dissociate, the things that we cannot bear to remember. They are just too overwhelming and too awful. We don’t know how to reconcile them with the reality we believe we know, so we file them away. Slater also says “Forgetting is a gift.” There is some truth to this as well. Staying in denial is more pleasant, and allows us to play out the “Fantasy” life we want to believe is real and live as if the trauma(s) never happened. Like in the movie, victims can laugh and frolic with their abuser and have absolutely NO conscious memory of the abuse. And this is absolutely possible without any hypnosis or substance use (used in the movie to help them forget). However, the body does truly keep the score. Those traumas will come up in various ways until they are reckoned with and healed. But, for a time, we can be “happier” without the knowledge of the truth. Unlike in the movie, there is no magic potion that brings the memories back (i.e. the venom), unless you consider the venom to represent the bitter truth. The truth will set you free, this is true.
The final thing I want to point out from the movie is the myriad of abuse tactics shown. Slater is shown lovebombing and pursuing Freda in the beginning, painting a fantasy that is not real nor is it sustainable—but he maintains the façade at least for a few days before the ugly truth comes out. Abusers are famous for the bait and switch technique—they sell you something beautiful and what you get is a broken monster instead. Slater is seen taunting (and maybe with what is sometimes called the Duper’s Delight), gloating in a condescending way over what he knows is true and she does not remember. He does this when he references her nails, as if he has never seen anything like this before, knowing full well he has commented on her nails in previous times and is intimately aware of them. He also does this when he asks about her scar, which he actually caused and she does not know how she got. Abusers do these types of things regularly as part of their day-to-day life. It is so ingrained they don’t even have to think about it. Another common tactic abusers use is the fast courtship—we just met, but now let’s run off to an isolated island without your cell phone so I have you completely at my mercy. (or, in real life, let’s get married right after we met so I have you at my mercy). We also see an excellent depiction of gaslighting when Freda’s friend Jess is missing, and everyone there acts as though she doesn’t exist or was never there. “Who’s Jess?” It is what I call “crazy-making” because it causes you to question your own reality and wonder if you are losing your mind. You learn to trust whatever you are told because you don’t think you have a grasp on reality. Enough gaslighting can make a person completely dependent and subservient to someone else. The final thing I will mention is the use of substances to lower inhibitions, alter memories, decrease resistance/ability to fight back, and to disorient the victims. We have all heard of the use of “date-rape” drugs, taking advantage of someone who’s had too much to drink, etc. Some abusers intentionally use various substances in order to gain control and render defenseless their victims. Certain substances also alter the victim’s memories, making it that much easier to get away with these horrendous crimes.
I hope this is helpful in understanding trauma and abuse a little bit better. I’d love to answer questions if you have any. What can you do to try to avoid becoming a victim? Here are a few tips that can help:
1. Never go home (or anywhere alone) with a stranger on the first meeting
2. Never leave your drink unattended. Not even for a second.
3. If you notice someone is moving quickly, pressuring you for a relationship, or trying to move the relationship to the next level faster than usual, put a pause on it. Take some time away to really consider things. Don’t give in. EVER.
4. NEVER accept substances from a new acquaintance. You cannot trust what it is or how it may affect you.
5. Don’t ignore your “gut.” If something feels off, even if it looks absolutely perfect, trust that it is off. Something is not right and it may not be safe. Walk away.
6. If things seem “too good to be true” (promising the moon, flying you to a private island, for example)…it most likely ISN’T REAL. Be very, very wary.
**If you are in an abusive situation, please get help. Call National Domestic Violence Hotline Hotline: 1 (800) 799 – 7233 to find your local resources.
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